Self-Control: “Fools Lose Their Temper; Wise Men Hold It Back”

Self-Control: "Fools Lose Their Temper; Wise Men Hold It Back"

The Bible teaches us that self-control is essential to living a Christian life. We must exercise our self-control or we become controlled by our weakness. Our weakness may be food, alcohol, drugs or pornography. The enemy knows our weakness better than we do ourselves and will encourage us to go to it rather than God in times of need. Our lives can soon be dominated by our weakness and we are living completely in the flesh rather than in the Spirit. Self-control is the very essence of “dying to self” and living in righteousness with God. Our righteousness cannot — and will not ever — come from ourselves, but only as a means of grace from God as a result of totally surrendering yourself to His will and becoming His disciple.

If you are struggling with self-control, first begin with prayer and ask God for His help. Then, go into the Bible and study and memorize some particular verses that speak to you and your particular situation. For me, my go-to verse in times when my patience is growing thin is Proverbs 29:11. It reads in part, “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.” We must remember that all wisdom comes from God. So how does one obtain wisdom? James 1:5 tells us, ^“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

The exercise of self-control will not only keep us away from our temptations but will allow us to be a powerful witness for God. You may ask, “How can I be a good witness for God by exercising self-control?” The best witness is one who demonstrates his faith with his actions. St. Francis of Assisi encouraged people to speak the gospel wherever they go and use words when necessary.

Self-control will allow you to remain silent when verbally attacked. It will allow you to respond with love when confronted with hate. Self-control will also keep you pure when you are alone. Self-control will also keep you sane in times of great adversity, such as a flooded home, divorce or loss of a family member. We freely and willingly yield control of ourselves to God and instead of worrying about what will happen, we stand steadfast in His promise of Romans 8:28. The passage reads, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Self-control does not mean that we are to go it alone. Life is tough and we need fellow Christians for the journey. We need accountability groups that are small, honest and safe so we can be vulnerable and encouraging to each other. Christ encouraged us to come to Him with our burdens and He will give us rest. Read Matthew 11 and then fasten your yoke to a friend!

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Real Men Cry

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35 (NIV)

Popular culture has given us a false impression of what is a real man. Many current television shows portray fathers or men in general as goofy, nerds, or jerks. When I was a child I thought real men were the cowboys I saw in movies or television shows. They were tough, didn’t need anybody, and knew how to fight and win. Today, rap music portrays men as pimps, drug dealers, and absentee fathers.

None of these are accurate descriptions of real men. Yes, sadly this does portray some men but not a Godly man. A real man is a Godly man that seeks God’s face and to do His will. A real man loves his wife as Christ loved His church. He leads his house by following Jesus and modeling His servant leadership. A real man realizes that we are the church and are meant to live in community. He sees the importance of small groups where he can privately share his concerns and joys.

A real man will use all of the emotions that Jesus used while He walked on earth. So, a real man will indeed cry. Jesus cried and on more than one occasion. Two passages in the Gospels (John 11, Luke 19) and one in the Epistles (Hebrews 5:7) teach that Jesus wept. In the Gospels our Lord wept as He looked on man’s misery, which demonstrate our Lord’s loving human nature.

John 11:1–45 is the story of the death and resurrection of Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha and a friend of our Lord. Jesus wept (John 11:35) when He gathered with the sisters and others mourning Lazarus’s death. Jesus did not weep over the death itself since He knew Lazarus would soon be raised and ultimately spend eternity with Him in heaven. Yet He could not help but weep when confronted with the wailing and sobbing of Mary and Martha. The well-known scripture “Jesus wept” is indeed the shortest verse in the Bible but also one of the most revealing of the human nature of Jesus.

In Luke 19:41–44 the Lord is taking His last trip to Jerusalem shortly before He was crucified at the insistence of His own people. As our Lord approached Jerusalem and thought of all those lost souls, “He saw the city and wept over it” (Luke 19:41). We know that Jesus cried aloud in anguish over the future of the city. That future was less than 40 years distant; in AD 70 more than 1,000,000 residents of Jerusalem died in one of the most gruesome sieges in recorded history as the Roman army destroyed the Second Temple.

Jesus was both human and God. This is the same Jesus that is also the King of kings that defeats satan in Revelation 19. His miracles displayed His divinity so that both He and the Father would be glorified. As Jesus wept for his friends or for the city of Jerusalem He was showing us the important human emotion of compassion.

Prayer: Dear God, We want to be a man after your own heart. Give us the wisdom and courage to be a real man and to help rise up other real men. We thank you for all of the blessings from Jesus including the ability to cry.

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What Is The Meaning Of “Iron Sharpens Iron”?

What Is The Meaning of "Iron Sharpens Iron"?

I am a volunteer with a national men’s ministry known as “Iron Sharpens Iron.” The name of our group is based on Proverb 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Iron Sharpens Iron is a Conference Network made up of individual ministries that are working interdependently to most effectively offer local church resources for men.

This group is accomplishing this by mobilizing ministries to resource local churches with a first-class one-day equipping conference that is designed for men age 13 and older. These one-day conferences bring in world-class speakers to address critical topics that men of all ages deal with.

If you are struggling with self-control, I encourage you to first begin with prayer and ask God for His help. Then, go into the Bible and study and memorize some particular verses that speak to you and your particular situation. For me, my go-to verse in times when my patience is growing thin is Proverbs 29:11. It reads in part, “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.” We must remember that all wisdom comes from God. So how does one obtain wisdom? James 1:5 tells us, ^“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

I strongly believe in men’s ministry and the goal of Iron Sharpens Iron – to prepare the man to be a Christian leader in his home, church and community. Gulf South Men is the host group for Iron Sharpens Iron in my area and I am proud to be a volunteer with these men.

We all need to be in community with each other. Iron Sharpens Iron has equipped me to be the leader that I believe I am called to be. I need the accountability and fellowship of fellow Christian men in my life. They breathe life into me and I pray that God uses me to have the same effect on them and all that I meet.

There are numerous Christian-based retreats that are available. I encourage you to talk to your pastor and prayerfully consider what opportunity is best for you and/or your family. You will become a better Christian-based leader in your home, church, and community.

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A Christian Perspective on Marriage

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NIV).

At almost every marriage ceremony that I have attended, the words “What God has put together, let no man separate,” are often spoken by the pastor or person conducting the ceremony. Rings are also exchanged by the happy couple. The rings are essentially a circle which has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless and eternal — just the way love should be. The wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer’s heart.

Marriage is a holy sacrament and a three-way covenant between the husband, wife and God. However, the National Survey of Family Growth and PolitiFact.com estimated that the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is between 40 and 50 percent. A key factor that

affects rates of divorce is the importance of religion to the couple. Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:24-27 to build our house on the rock. Remember, your first responsibility is to love God, then your spouse and then your children. Not even your own children should come between a married couple.

Below are five steps for a healthy marriage.

1) Start with God: Both members of the couple should accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior and make Him their main priority. God is love and a loving marriage must include God. Remember, we follow God; God does not follow us.

2) Pray for and with each other: Pray each day for God’s blessings to be poured out abundantly on your spouse. Pray for protection and wisdom for them. Pray that their words, actions and thoughts that day will bring glory to Him. Also, pray with your spouse; this shows each other that you want to seek His face and understand His will and are putting Him first. You will also learn the particular concerns of your spouse and this will help you to develop your prayers for your spouse in a more focused manner.

3) Husbands, honor your wives: Husbands should treat their wives with honor and respect. Treat your wife as you would want your mother, daughter or sister to be treated. Honor her with your words and actions. Loving words are nice, but loving actions mean more. You don’t need to buy expensive jewelry to accomplish this. You do need to study your wife and find out what she enjoys and try to provide it. The more she observes you trying to please her, the more she will want to please you. So, if you attend an opera show with her, she will be much more likely to attend a football game with you. Don’t push it; let the Holy Spirit work on her. According to Todd Shupe, a pertinent scripture in this regard is Ephesians 5:25. It reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

4) Become one body: Genesis tells us that a man will leave his parents to join his wife and become one body with her. This means that the two shall cease to have feelings that do not impact the other. If your spouse is unhappy, then that means half of you is unhappy and you need to address it.

5) Forgiveness: Couples will always disagree and argue. However, it is essential that we are slow to anger and quick to forgive. If we do not forgive others for their sins, then how can we expect God to forgive us for our sins (Matthew 6:15). We all make mistakes and married couples will inevitably disappoint and anger each other, but we must offer each other grace and forgiveness. We may be hesitant to offer forgiveness for a “repeat offense,” but don’t we seek God’s forgiveness for our repeated sins? When you let go of bitterness and offer forgiveness, you are truly freeing yourself.

God clearly does not want man to live alone. He gave Adam a partner to live with him. In the same way, God will — or has — given you a partner. I encourage you to love, honor and forgive your spouse and make God the focal point of your marriage. May God richly bless you, your spouse and your marriage.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the blessing of marriage. Amen.

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What Is A “Real” Man?

I recently heard a term that caught my attention. A friend commented on a movie actor that he liked because the actor is a “real man.” He plays tough-guy characters that don’t put up with any nonsense. A segment of pop music encourages boys and men to be “real men” by selling drugs, killing rivals, and prostituting women. Some TV sitcoms portray “real men” as clowns, grouchy, or unable to communicate with their family. I reject all of these notions of a man and submit to you five characteristics of a real man:

- - - A real man honors and respects his wife above all else. He affirms her with his actions and words and supports her at all times. There is nothing or no one more important to him than his wife, including his own children
    - A real man bows down before he ever attempts to stand up and lead his family. He recognizes that all authority on heaven and earth come from God.
    - He knows that upon his death Christ will say to him “Well done my good and faith servant” (Matthew 25:21). A real man straps on the armor of God and encourages his family and others in spiritual warfare.
    - A real man accepts responsibility and is able to freely accept AND give grace and forgiveness. He does not carry grudges and realizes that before he throws any stones or criticizes his neighbor for the splinter in their eye, he must carefully examine himself and recognizes that he himself is not without fault.
    - A real man is committed to The Great Commissioning and understands that before he can be the hands and feet of God he must first disciple himself and then his family.

In summary, a real man loves his wife as Christ loves the church. He earnestly prays every day for her physical, mental, and spiritual well being. He realizes that he and his spouse are one body and that anything that affects his wife also affects him. A real man is not perfect nor without sin, but he is constantly striving to grow closer to Christ and bring His light into the world.

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“Four Ways To Turn Father’s Day Into A Celebration Of The Selfless Service Men Do Daily”

While we’d rather see more than one day per year dedicated to recognizing the fathers in all our lives, we’ll take one and seize upon it for now.

With Father’s Day just around the corner, now’s the time to start planning the best ways to mark the occasion. From family outings to intimate sit-downs with like-minded family and friends, Father’s Day is a chance to show respect, appreciation and utmost gratitude for the

sacrifices our fathers have made throughout their lives and ours to better our quality of living. I am a firm believer in Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day). That’s because it can be used for purposes beyond a card in the mail or a nice dinner.

With that in mind, here are four ways to spend the upcoming holiday thanks to suggestions from the Charlotte, North Carolina-based arm of Band of Brothers. For more information on that organization, click here. For ways to turn this upcoming Sunday into a celebration of men everywhere, keep reading.

– Angels in the Outfield: What says “spring has arrived” more than an afternoon at a baseball game? If sports aren’t your thing but you still want to spend time outdoors with your family, try a nature walk, day at the beach or visit to an animal sanctuary.

– Leading by Example: Reach out to your congregation and see if they will allow you to use the church for an educational seminar on the modern role of a father. Invite the community at large and be surprised at how much new information and insight into other’s lives that you’ll walk away with.

– Sunday Service: When it comes time to attend church on Father’s Day, those in the position to preach should take their role to heart and spread a message that will reach all men – not just fathers. Encourage a handful of men in the congregation to share stories of success through faith. You can also distribute a survey to men in attendance to get a better idea of issues they face today. That survey can then be used by your church’s leadership team to shape fall programming in hopes of reaching more with resonating messages. Some churches have a Men’s Sunday that occurs on or near Father’s Day (and a women’s day that occurs near Mother’s Day). The service is lead by the men of the church and they select a special guest speaker to bring a powerful message of God’s love and grace.

– Rest and Relaxation: After church, head outdoors for a family picnic or to a site with recreational options for you and the family to consider. It’s both a team-building exercise and quality time well spent with loved ones.

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Category: Men’s Ministry