Present but Absent

Present but Absent

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2 ESV).

Many men are inherently competitive.  We want to be the best at what we do.  It pushes us to harvest the largest buck deer, catch the biggest fish, or grow the largest tomato.  We even compete in fantasy football.  A competitive nature helps us climb the ladder at work.   This inner drive has helped us to be financial providers for our families.  However, many men do not realize that they have other roles in the family besides financial.

I have talked to many men over the years that feel torn between responsibilities at work and home.  They struggle to find a balance between the two.  I have also talked to many men that have expressed an inner emptiness. Life is boring and seems to have no real purpose.  Many of these men are very successful businessmen and want for no material items

Today’s professional demands are tough.  Young professionals are traveling more for work today than any other time in history.  The competition in the market is tough both within your own company for promotions and from competitors for sales.   Many men will embrace the competition, either willingly or unwillingly and spend evenings and weekends at work to get ahead. 

Sadly, these men are often absent when they are present with their families.  Their minds are preoccupied with work, their fingers are busy texting on their phones, or their phone is glued to their ear.  They are conformed to this world.  The Apostle Paul teaches us, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).  I think it is admirable to do your best at work.    Paul also instructed, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-24). 

Working hard at work is admirable and good, especially if you are working as if for the Lord.  However, remember the old adage, “On their death bed, no one ever wished they had spent more time at work.”  I am not suggesting that you spend less time at work or more time at work.  I am suggesting that you not only use your natural competitive spirit at work but also at home.  Try to be the best father and husband that you can be.  I saw a recent episode of Dr. Phil where he encouraged men to be a provider, protector, leader, and teacher for his family.  I suspect that Retired U.S. Army Lt. Gen.  Jerry Boykin would agree since they are both saying essentially the same thing.   So, continue to do your best at work but remember to do your best at home too!

Prayer:  Dear God:  We want to provide for our families.  Help us remember that all we have now and in the future is a blessing from you.  Help us to do our best at work and at home.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe  is a Men’s Ministry Specialist under the direction of the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is concurrently in training to become a Lay Minister under the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He enjoys writing inspirational Christian blogs at ToddShupe.com and Todd-Shupe.com .

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Men, You Can Add Power to Your Prayers!

Men, You Can Add Power to Your Prayers!

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24 NIV).

Our prayers already have great power – more than we can ever imagine.  The problem is that we often fail to recognize the power of our prayers.

Prayer is an open line of communication with God.  The idea that we have 24/7 ability to connect to the Creator of heaven and earth is hard to comprehend.

First, why would God want to talk with us? Is there a right and wrong way to pray? Why does God answer some prayers but not others? Does it matter that we only have a little faith?

Thankfully, the Bible gives us insight into these questions and more. Since God desires to have a relationship with us and knows of our human frailties, it’s no surprise He gives us some help.  Below are some of my favorite Scriptures on prayer.

1.

Luke 18:13-14: “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

This Scripture is from the well-known story of the Pharisee and the tax collector praying in the temple, reveals the prayer that allows us to enter into a relationship with God: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The tax collector was honest with God about his sin. He humbled himself, repented, and acknowledged his need for God’s mercy.

Summary:  The first step in developing a prayer life is to humble our self and call upon God for salvation. 

2.

Psalm 66:18: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.”

The Psalmist teaches us a major obstacle to God’s willingness to hear our prayers—unconfessed sin.  The word “cherished” means to embrace.   If we embrace our sin, we are not reconciled with God, and the sin will act as an impediment between us.    God knows we will not live a sinless life, but He does want us to continue to remove our sins.  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Summary—We can’t live a consistently sinful lifestyle and expect God to hear our prayers.

3.

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry.”

As we move closer to God, we begin to gain more of His peace which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).  We know that He is listening to our prayers because we are both seeking the same things. The Psalmist assures us that He is carefully attuned to our lives.

Summary—If you trust God, He will hear your prayers.

4.

Daniel 9:18: “We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.”

This verse is from Daniel’s prayer on behalf of the Jews exiled in Babylon.  It reveals an important truth about prayer—that God answers our prayers because of His mercy, not our good works.  While there is nothing we can do to earn our salvation, God’s intention is that our salvation will result in acts of service.   

Summary—God’s mercy, not our actions, is the basis for answered prayers.

5.

Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”

The Psalmist is teaching us to have eager expectation as we pray.  This is reinforced in the Mark 11:24.   “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”  As we pray with confidence, God sees our faith and trust in Him.

Summary—Pray with anticipation that God will hear your request.

Prayer:  Dear God:  We thank you for the blessing of prayer.  May we always be appreciative of it.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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    The Walk to Emmaus: The Best Spiritual Weekend Retreat "When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:30-32 NIV). The Walk to Emmaus “Walk” is a three-day spiritual retreat that came out of the Roman Catholic Cursillo movement. The Walk to Emmaus is held numerous times during...
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    Understanding Our Emotions 16 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do...
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Men, What Do You Crave?

Men, What Do You Crave?

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation(1 Peter 2:2 NIV).

We all have cravings.  A craving is a deep desire that implies something stronger than a mere want or desire.  Life is full of temptations and urgent problems which all serve as distractions from our spiritual cravings.  So, how can we be expected to sustain a spiritual appetite?  Below are five steps to consider. 

1.

Remember God loves you always

Nothing can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).  His grace is infinitely stronger than our sin.  A life lived in Him and for Him means that “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).  Stand firm on His promises.

2.

Stop filling up on junk food

We all have free will to choose how we feed ourselves.  Some of us will try to complete themselves with work, promotions, status, salary, power, possessions, etc.  These things feed the ego “flesh” but not the soul “spirit.” If you feed the flesh, you will never be satiated.  Proverbs 15:14 teaches, The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.”

3.

Put God first in all things

As Christian men we need to have a hunger for God and His word.  There is nothing no important than Him and our relationship with Him.  Everything else (family, work, house, hobbies, etc.) will all fall into place when we maintain a spiritual hunger for God.  The hunger for God must be sincere and must be a natural product of prayer and submission to the Holy Spirit.  The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation (Philippians 4:12).  His secret was living through God and tapping into His strength.

4.

Get into God’s Word every day

The Bible is God’s word and nourishment for our souls. Eating one healthy meal a week won’t keep your body healthy.  The same is true for our spiritual health.  We need to feed on His word every day.  1 Peter 2:2 teaches us, “You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment.”

5.

Appetite is influenced by association

We influence each other.  Our thoughts, opinions, accents, etc. are influenced by those close to us.   Men need a band of brothers for the battle.  We need others seeking God’s face in our foxhole.  My weekly small group of men helps me to hunger for God.  Proverbs 27:17 teaches us, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Prayer:  Dear God:  We pray the prayer of Psalmist in Psalm 51:10.  “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Who Is In Your Foxhole?

Who Is In Your Foxhole?

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV).

A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting Coach Jeff Kisiah “Coach K” at an Iron Sharpens Iron men’s equipping conference.  He spoke about the importance of foxhole friends and the strength of a threefold cord (Ecclesiastes 4:12).  This man of God recently went on to Glory, but he left behind a legacy.  The basis for the annual, national conference is Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another.”

Men tend to forge on alone when times are tough, but we all need friends in our foxholes to help us in tough times.  For this to happen we need good relationships to develop good friends.  Good relationships don’t happen by accident. They take cultivation, work, and a lot of time. That requires commitment.

If you have the honor of being married, I hope your wife is your best friend.  In addition, men need other men in their lives.   In the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, he writes, “Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”  Men are warriors at heart, and there is strength in numbers.   Strong warriors that are seeking God’s face will have the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) to protect them in battle.

So, how do we form close relationships?  Every important, close connection begins with a commitment. If you want to get beyond shallow, superficial relationships, you’ve got to be willing to stick with it. “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV).  Close friends are like brothers.  They are dependable in good times and bad.  They build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 6:18). 

Likewise, how do we avoid the trap of having acquaintances and not close friends?  Did you know that your socializing can keep you from having deep relationships? You can be so busy networking, contacting, and making acquaintances that you never invest the time and energy and effort it takes to cultivate the deep, satisfying intimacy of a good friend or a good spouse. 

It’s not wrong to have a lot of acquaintances, but they can keep you so busy that you don’t develop any vital, close relationships. You don’t need a lot of friends to make it in this world, but you do need a few good ones. Focus on quality, not quantity. Your acquaintances—your hundreds of Facebook “friends” and Instagram followers—aren’t necessarily going to be there when you need them. But the friends you are truly connected and committed to will be there and stick closer than a brother.  Your close friends will always be in your foxhole.  Rest in peace Coach K.

Prayer:  Dear God, Thank you for the blessing of having Godly men in our lives.  Please use them to speak truth to us and may be always be receptive to the truth.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Fathering A Special Needs Child

Fathering A Special Needs Child

1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  John 9:1-3 (NIV)

On April 26, 2018, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released new data on the prevalence of autism in the United States. This surveillance study identified 1 in 59 children (1 in 37 boys and 1 in 151 girls) as having autism spectrum disorder (ASD).  Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors.

My second child, Kyle, was born May 24, 2002.  He was a big, healthy baby and was, and will always be, a tremendous blessing to me.  We noticed at an early age that he was not reaching the “typical” milestones for babies and toddlers in terms of walking, talking, etc.  We eventually had him tested for hearing loss, brain function, blood tests, etc.  All of the tests came back normal, but his development was not normal.  In particular, he showed little interest in talking and had a very limited vocabulary. 

We finally had him diagnosed by a doctor and received the diagnosis of PDD-NOS.  I remember looking at that and thinking ok well now we know what we have so let’s make a plan to fix it.  However, I later realized that autism is a spectrum disorder with no known cure, and each person that has it falls onto the spectrum of somewhere between high functioning to severe.  You may recall the movie Temple Grandin which was about an animal science professor that had high functioning autism.  PDD-NOS stands for pervasive development disorder – not otherwise specified, which to me simply means – we don’t really know what your child has so we created a category and called it PDD-NOS instead of WDK (we don’t know).

As a family with a special needs child, the family has special needs.  The family needs schools, churches, restaurants, dentists, etc that are accommodating to special needs children.  We were blessed to find an excellent PreK program at Southdowns Elementary in Baton Rouge.  However, he aged out of the program and we were left looking at our education options which ranged from lousy to expensive.  We declined lousy and hired a private teacher to work with our son.  Also, our church was accommodating and invited us to attend several meetings to discuss setting up a special needs Sunday School room. 

I have heard some parents say that when they received the diagnosis of autism for their child they felt as if part of their child had died.  They have told me that their dreams and hopes for their child have been shattered and they were forced to realize that their child will not live a “typical” life.  I never felt that way.  I believe in continuous improvement.  So, Kyle goes to school year around.  This is expensive, but it is best for his development.  I realize that there are many things he will never do such as get married, drive a car, or play high school sports and that is fine with me.  I focus on the things that he can do.  He can go for walks with me and hold my hand.  He can go to the movies with me and share a tub of popcorn and a soda while we enjoy an animated movie.  He enjoys playing fetch with our dog.  And he can give the best hugs that can cure a head ache much better than any aspirin. 

A child with special needs certainly does put a strain on any marriage.  A 2010 study conducted by the University of Wisconsin at Madison found that parents with ASD children were nearly twice as likely to get divorced than couples without disabled children. The study revealed something interesting: the divorce rates in parents with disabled children did not increase until the children became teens or adults.  My own marriage ended after 20 years when Kyle was 12 years old. 

Kyle has a bright future.   I want him to become as independent as possible.  Like other children, he yearns for his father’s approval and I try to always acknowledge every good thing that he does.  So, there is no need to change or “cure” Kyle.  He is perfect just as he is.  He is a child of God, and a tremendous blessing to me.  I do want him to live a happy life and be as independent as possible. 

We hold hands and pray before each meal.  I offer the blessing and then gently squeeze his hand at the end and he clearly and proudly says “Amen!”   Kyle is a blessing to me and has taught me so much about what is really important in life. 

Prayer:  Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the blessing to be a father.  We recognize that all of us are your children and heirs to your Kingdom.  Help us to raise our children to reach their full potential.  We know that you want all of the children to come to you and that gives us peace.  Thank you for your son and the forgiveness of sins and life everlasting.  We love you and need you.  Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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A Man’s Role in the Family and in the Church

A MAN’S ROLE IN THE FAMILY AND IN THE CHURCH

A man must model genuine godly masculine behavior to his children so that they will grow up as godly people and seek godly partners for marriage. That was part of the message from Retired U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Jerry Boykin at the September Man Up men’s ministry meeting at Greenwell Springs Baptist Church. More than 175 men attended.

Interim Senior Pastor Tony Perkins says the men’s ministry program had become less active in recent years. His father, Richard Perkins, had to vacate his position as director of men’s ministries in 2015 due to health problems, and the 2016 flood affected 90% of the church’s members.

Richard was sitting alone at the church last Easter and A Man’s Role in the Family and in the Church by Todd Shupe heard a voice from God asking, “Where are all the men?” He looked around and saw very few men present, and felt a desire to try to reactivate the men’s ministry. He asked Tony to arrange for Lt. Gen. Boykin to deliver the message.

Lt. Gen. Boykin serves as the Family Research Council’s Executive Vice President. He was one of the original members of the U.S. Army’s Delta Force, and was privileged to ultimately command these elite warriors in combat operations. He also commanded the Army’s Green Berets as well as the Special Warfare Center and School. In all, Lt. Gen. Boykin spent 36 years in the Army, serving his last four years as the Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence. He is an ordained minister with a passion for spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ and encouraging Christians to become warriors in God’s Kingdom.

The General’s message was to focus on what he calls the 4 P’s:

A man is a provider, giving identity to his family. It is his responsibility to let children know that they belong. He gives direction and serves as the spiritual head of the family.

A man should also be a protector. He physically protects the family from harm and also sets boundaries to safeguard the family from evil. 

The man is the professor of the family. He professes his faith and teaches life skills to children on how to endure hardship and build up confidence. A real man will teach his son how to respect and love women.

Finally, a man is the priest of his house. He is called to be the spiritual leader in the family. The grandfather should always be the priest at a family fathering. This means leading the family in prayer and scripture, and blessing his children and grandchildren.

Richard is a strong proponent of men’s ministry and believes the pastor must be on board to have an effective program. Follow-up meetings in small groups allow men get to know each other and feel safe opening up. The older men can nurture the younger men and this will build the church and healthy families.

Man Up events at Greenwell Springs Baptist Church are open to all men of the community. For more information, please call the church office at (225) 261-2246.

Importance of Men’s Ministry 

  • When a child is first to attend church, 3½% of the families follow.
  • When a wife/mom is the first to attend church, 17% of the families follow. 
  • When a dad/husband is first to attend a church, 93% of the families follow.

Source: The Promise Keeper at Work, 1996-1999, Promise Keepers Authors Dave Sunde, Ron Ralston, Bob Horner

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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    “Four Ways To Turn Father’s Day Into A Celebration Of The Selfless Service Men Do Daily” While we’d rather see more than one day per year dedicated to recognizing the fathers in all our lives, we’ll take one and seize upon it for now.With Father’s Day just around the corner, now’s the time to start planning the best ways to mark the occasion. From family outings to intimate sit-downs with like-minded family and friends, Father’s Day is a chance to show respect, appreciation and utmost gratitude for the sacrifices our fathers have made throughout their lives and ours to better our quality...

Man Up: Use Lent to Prepare Your Hearts for Easter

Man Up: Use Lent to Prepare Your Hearts for Easter

I love Easter egg hunts and chocolate rabbits, but there is so much more to Easter.  One critical part of Easter is Lent.  Lent is the period of 40 weekdays before Easter. It begins on Ash Wednesday, and Sundays are not counted. Lent is often observed with an element of self-denial.  I encourage men to lead your family by intentionally observing Lent which will be rewarding experience.  Below are some steps to consider on your Lenten journey.

Reflect with your Family

If I don’t use Lent as a time of personal reflection, I run the risk of Easter becoming an excuse to take my suit to the dry cleaners and overdose on chocolate.  By observing Lent at home, we can help ourselves and our families grow spiritually.  Remember, our primary church is our home.  I want myself and my family to 

understand that we need to prepare our hearts to experience the joy of the resurrection. This begins by examining our hearts for sin and gently explaining the hard reality that our sin is what separates us from Jesus.  We are all sinners, and the only one to have walked the earth without sin was falsely accused of a crime (blasphemy).  Lent is a time to ask the Holy Spirit to search us and help us clean sin out of our hearts and replace the void with His love and grace.

The observance of Lent can take many forms. There are several devotionals available to help families make Lent a meaningful time of growth and reflection.  Speak to your pastor about appropriate devotionals for you and your family. 

If your family is not in the habit of daily prayer and Scripture reading, Lent is a great time to start.  Lent is also a great time to begin the habit of Christian service and reach out to others with our gifts of presence, prayers, and witness.

Understand True Sacrifice

Lent often involves sacrifice.  Historically, the season of Lent commemorates Christ’s 40 days of fasting in the wilderness which succeeded his baptism by John the Baptist and proceeded the enemy’s efforts to tempt our Lord to serve him.

Many people choose to abstain from a favorite item or activity during Lent. The purpose of this is, in a very symbolic and in a very microscopic manner, allow us to identify with what Jesus sacrificed for us.   When our children are deciding what to fast from, it is important to remind them that a true sacrifice must “cost” us something. This may be giving up video games or candy.

Read Scripture Together

Lent is a great time for the family to carve out time each evening to read Scripture.  The Gospels are a great place to learn about the life of Jesus.   The resurrection of Jesus gives us hope and life  on this earth and beyond.  John 14:2-3 captures this hope, “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?   And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

Christ separated Himself from previous prophets by His victory over death.  The glory of the empty tomb is beautifully captured in Luke 24:5-6 by the words of the angels to the women when they went to His tomb the next day after the crucifixion.  “Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He isn’t here, but has been raised.”  Christ’s death is not the source of our hope.  His victory over death is the source of all hope.  It is the source of life-everlasting and the forgiveness of sins.  Use Lent wisely to prepare your hearts for the blessings of Easter.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Self-Control: “Fools Lose Their Temper; Wise Men Hold It Back”

Self-Control: "Fools Lose Their Temper; Wise Men Hold It Back"

The Bible teaches us that self-control is essential to living a Christian life. We must exercise our self-control or we become controlled by our weakness. Our weakness may be food, alcohol, drugs or pornography. The enemy knows our weakness better than we do ourselves and will encourage us to go to it rather than God in times of need. Our lives can soon be dominated by our weakness and we are living completely in the flesh rather than in the Spirit. Self-control is the very essence of “dying to self” and living in righteousness with God. Our righteousness cannot — and will not ever — come from ourselves, but only as a means of grace from God as a result of totally surrendering yourself to His will and becoming His disciple.

If you are struggling with self-control, first begin with prayer and ask God for His help. Then, go into the Bible and study and memorize some particular verses that speak to you and your particular situation. For me, my go-to verse in times when my patience is growing thin is Proverbs 29:11. It reads in part, “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.” We must remember that all wisdom comes from God.  So how does one obtain wisdom?  James 1:5 tells us, If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

The exercise of self-control will not only keep us away from our temptations but will allow us to be a powerful witness for God. You may ask, “How can I be a good witness for God by exercising self-control?” The best witness is one who demonstrates his faith with his actions. St. Francis of Assisi encouraged people to speak the gospel wherever they go and use words when necessary.

Self-control will allow you to remain silent when verbally attacked.  It will allow you to respond with love when confronted with hate. Self-control will also keep you pure when you are alone.  Self-control will also keep you sane in times of great adversity, such as a flooded home, divorce or loss of a family member. We freely and willingly yield control of ourselves to God and instead of worrying about what will happen, we stand steadfast in His promise of Romans 8:28. The passage reads, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Self-control does not mean that we are to go it alone. Life is tough and we need fellow Christians for the journey. We need accountability groups that are small, honest and safe so we can be vulnerable and encouraging to each other. Christ encouraged us to come to Him with our burdens and He will give us rest. Read Matthew 11 and then fasten your yoke to a friend!

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Real Men Cry

Real Men Cry

Jesus wept.”  John 11:35 (NIV)

Popular culture has given us a false impression of what is a real man.  Many current television shows portray fathers or men in general as goofy, nerds, or jerks.  When I was a child I thought real men were the cowboys I saw in movies or television shows.  They were tough, didn’t need anybody, and knew how to fight and win.  Today, rap music portrays men as pimps, drug dealers, and absentee fathers. 

None of these are accurate descriptions of real men.  Yes, sadly this does portray some men but not a Godly man.  A real man is a Godly man that seeks God’s face and to do His will.  A real man loves his wife as Christ loved His church.  He leads his house by following Jesus and modeling His servant leadership.  A real man realizes that we are the church and are meant to live in community.  He sees the importance of small groups where he can privately share his concerns and joys. 

A real man will use all of the emotions that Jesus used while He walked on earth.  So, a real man will indeed cry.  Jesus cried and on more than one occasion.  Two passages in the Gospels (John 11, Luke 19) and one in the Epistles (Hebrews 5:7) teach that Jesus wept. In the Gospels our Lord wept as He looked on man’s misery, which demonstrate our Lord’s loving human nature.

John 11:1–45 is the story of the death and resurrection of Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha and a friend of our Lord. Jesus wept (John 11:35) when He gathered with the sisters and others mourning Lazarus’s death. Jesus did not weep over the death itself since He knew Lazarus would soon be raised and ultimately spend eternity with Him in heaven. Yet He could not help but weep when confronted with the wailing and sobbing of Mary and Martha.  The well-known scripture “Jesus wept” is indeed the shortest verse in the Bible but also one of the most revealing of the human nature of Jesus.

In Luke 19:41–44 the Lord is taking His last trip to Jerusalem shortly before He was crucified at the insistence of His own people.  As our Lord approached Jerusalem and thought of all those lost souls, “He saw the city and wept over it” (Luke 19:41). We know that Jesus cried aloud in anguish over the future of the city. That future was less than 40 years distant; in AD 70 more than 1,000,000 residents of Jerusalem died in one of the most gruesome sieges in recorded history as the Roman army destroyed the Second Temple.

Jesus was both human and God.  This is the same Jesus that is also the King of kings that defeats satan in Revelation 19.  His miracles displayed His divinity so that both He and the Father would be glorified.  As Jesus wept for his friends or for the city of Jerusalem He was showing us the important human emotion of compassion.   

Prayer:    Dear God, We want to be a man after your own heart.  Give us the wisdom and courage to be a real man and to help rise up other real men.   We thank you for all of the blessings from Jesus including the ability to cry. 

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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What Is The Meaning Of “Iron Sharpens Iron”?

What Is The Meaning of "Iron Sharpens Iron"?

I am a volunteer with a national men’s ministry known as “Iron Sharpens Iron.” The name of our group is based on Proverb 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”  Iron Sharpens Iron is a Conference Network made up of individual ministries that are working interdependently to most effectively offer local church resources for men.

This group is accomplishing this by mobilizing ministries to resource local churches with a first-class one-day equipping conference that is designed for men age 13 and older.  These one-day conferences bring in world-class speakers to address critical topics that men of all ages deal with.

If you are struggling with self-control, I encourage you to first begin with prayer and ask God for His help. Then, go into the Bible and study and memorize some particular verses that speak to you and your particular situation. For me, my go-to verse in times when my patience is growing thin is Proverbs 29:11. It reads in part, “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.” We must remember that all wisdom comes from God.  So how does one obtain wisdom?  James 1:5 tells us, If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

I strongly believe in men’s ministry and the goal of Iron Sharpens Iron – to prepare the man to be a Christian leader in his home, church and community.  Gulf South Men is the host group for Iron Sharpens Iron in my area and I am proud to be a volunteer with these men.

We all need to be in community with each other.  Iron Sharpens Iron has equipped me to be the leader that I believe I am called to be. I need the accountability and fellowship of fellow Christian men in my life. They breathe life into me and I pray that God uses me to have the same effect on them and all that I meet.

There are numerous Christian-based retreats that are available. I encourage you to talk to your pastor and prayerfully consider what opportunity is best for you and/or your family. You will become a better Christian-based leader in your home, church, and community.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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