Choose Your Friends Wisely

“When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (Job 2:11-13 NIV).

We are called to show love to all of our neighbors. It is important to note that we can be friendly and show love without being friends. The selection of a friend is important and can have good or bad consequences. Proverbs 12:26 teaches, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

So, how can we make wise decisions in selecting friends? First, as with all decisions, begin with prayer. As one who is lacking wisdom in many, if not all areas of my own life, I lean heavily on James 1:5. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Friends can help us in so many ways in life. In Luke 5, Jesus forgives and heals a paralyzed man because of the faith of his friends.

Friends who are like brothers help us in all seasons of life. Years ago, I gave a gift to a close friend of mine that reads, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). A true friend is a brother and a blessing.

Did you know that when a utility pole has lost its strength, it can sometimes be held upright by the immediately adjacent poles? Good friends can literally hold us up in times of adversity.

God has taught me a few lessons on friend selection, and I pray they are as beneficial for you as they have been for me.

A Friend Should Not Be Envious of You

An envious friend is not a friend, and certainly not one that “loves at all times.” An envious person will eventually be a disloyal person and commit betrayal. This problem is as old as Judas and Jesus. A true friend will rejoice as we rejoice and morn as we mourn.

A Friend Should Join Us in Seeking Our Lord’s Face

I am committed to growing in my Christian discipleship and each day I want to grow closer to our Lord. Those in my inner circle have the ability to help or hinder that growth. Some of my friends serve as a Paul to me, and I serve as a Timothy to others. In either case, we are all seeking a closer walk with our Lord. This is the THE most important common denominator. Our friendships have God in the middle and are a cord of three strands.

A Friend Should Not Be Envious of You

A Friend Should Join Us in Seeking Our Lord’s Face

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the friends that you have placed in our lives. Help us to select friends that help both of us grow closer to You and help us to end friendships that hinder our relationship with You. May we always remember what a friend we have in Jesus. Amen!

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Certified Lay Minister and Men’s Ministry Specialist through Francis Asbury Methodist Church in Baton Rouge, LA. He is a Board Member for Gulf South Men, an Action Team member for The Kingdom Group, and a Board Member for the Lagniappe Country Walk to Emmaus. Todd is a contributor to Project XII and Baton Rouge Parents Magazine. He is a Past President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and remains active in this and many other local, regional, and international ministries. Additionally, he’s the author of the inspiring book “Fathering A Special Needs Child.” Todd also enjoys filling the pulpit to share the Good News of our Lord and Savior. Todd is the proud father of Emma and Kyle and resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Those Who Remember Their Past Victories Will Have More In The Future

“The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:37).

My high school US History teacher displayed a quote on a sign adjacent to the chalkboard that read, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” This is a famous quote often attributed to George Santayana, a Spanish-American philosopher, essayist, poet and novelist.

Indeed, we can learn a lot by looking at our past. However, it is imperative to acknowledge that the past is for learning, not for living. Once the lesson has been learned, it is time to get back to the business of living in the present. None of us can heal any wounds from the past by exclusively focusing on the past. The giants of the past that have dealt us crushing defeats can only be slain in the present by looking ahead to the future.

Many of us are familiar with the story of David and Goliath, the giant Philistine, as detailed in 1 Samuel 17. David’s past at this time was that of a small, young shepherd with no battle experience. His immediate past also included listening to this champion for the Philistines come out each day to call upon anybody from the Israelites to accept his challenge for a one-on-one fight to the death. David accepted the challenge and used his knowledge of God to be equipped for his battle in the present. He leaned into a vital piece of information from his own past and understood that God had previously delivered him through tragedy and would do so again. 1 Samuel 17:37 reads, “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”

David acknowledged the victory to come before it occurred. David said, “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel” (1 Samuel 17:46).

David remembered his past and therefore was not condemned by it, but rather was empowered because he chose to remember his past with God. David was equipped by God because his focus was on God and not the giant before him. David was wisely taking his own thoughts captive and tuning all other voices that were surely present – society, self, and the enemy. He was modeling for us today what Paul would later write in Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

The same God that empowered the young shepherd boy David also can empower all of us when our focus is on Him rather than whatever problem is present before us. The past is useful for learning, and if we acknowledge that the Hand of God was present in our past victories, then we can claim victory in the present in His name and wait with patience and confidence for the victory that is yet to come in the perfect time and manner in the future.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for your love, grace, and mercy. Thank you for Your Word and the story of David in 1 Samuel 17. Help us to remember Your presence in our past battles as we step into the battles of today. Grant us wisdom to realize that the battle belongs to You alone. Amen.

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Attention Men! Stop And Be Grateful For The Blessings You Have Today

“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only” (Matthew 24:36 NKJV).

There is a focus in our society for “more.” Some of these desires can actually be healthy. I think we all want more Jesus in our lives and more peace, right? One of the “mores” I want is to make decisions that improve my overall physical health, strength, and agility daily. I have made good

progress, but I do not let this pursuit become an obsession, and I am not focused on some far-away fitness goal that robs me of the ability to enjoy today. I can attend church potluck dinners even though I might not have many healthy options. I can go to a Halloween party, have a moderate portion of candy, and not feel that I have ruined my diet, nor do I feel disappointed that I missed out on all the fun. The key is to focus on the right here and right now and ENJOY what and/or whom is right here and right now. This blog, as with most of my blogs, is essentially a sermon to myself with the hope that perhaps somebody else might benefit.

Life is lived now in the present tense. The present tense of the verb live is “living.” The past is for learning, not living. Life may or may not be lived in the future, and it is wise to prepare for the future, but we must remember that the primary purpose of today is living today. Easy to type into a blog, but hard to do for myself. Tomorrow is not promised, and Scripture teaches that none of us know the day or hour of our Healing.

Living today does not make us immune to troubles today. Matthew 6:24-34 is an excellent reminder about living today and not worrying about tomorrow. ‘“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life.”’

Some cannot move past the anger, shame, or hurt from the past. They need to understand that not only is the past for learning and not living, but they are a new person in Christ as taught in 2 Corinthians 5:17. “Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

So, we have talked about the past and future, but what about the present? As we live today, adversity will undoubtedly come and challenge our ability to find joy in all circumstances. I certainly am unable to find joy in tragic circumstances. However, we can still live today and weep today as we stand steadfast on Psalm 30:5, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

Some have made their joy contingent on material things as they seek to store up treasure on earth rather than heaven. For example, some may say, “I will be joyful when/if …..” Spoiler alert: if your joy is contingent on anything rather than Christ, you will never have joy.

This drive for more can take our focus off the blessings of today because we are too busy preparing for tomorrow. If you have not read the Mary and Martha story lately, go read Luke 10:38-42 and ask yourself if you identify more with Mary or Martha.

Some people work all the time and essentially sacrifice living today for a better but unpromised tomorrow. The goal for many, including myself as a young man, was to work 24/7, ignore my health, and put in minimal time for my family, church, and friends because I needed to climb the ladder and be a better provider. Families need fathers who are present and engaged today and every day. Families also need fathers to take them to church today if today is Sunday joyfully. Friends need friends that they can talk to today if they are in a crisis. Life is to be lived today.

In our personal relationships, we may be blessed with a beautiful, godly woman to court and date, perhaps an ever so rare and virtuous Proverbs 31 woman. This type of woman is a God-sent blessing for any man. A smart man will recognize and enjoy the blessings that he has. A foolish man will not.

Many Christians love Jeremiah 29:11, which reads, “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” It should go without saying, but since I am preaching to myself here, please notice that it is God with the plans for us, not vice versa. Also, the key to claiming these beautiful plans is not to push our own self-based agenda on God or others but rather to follow the wise teaching of the Psalmist. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

On my better days, I follow the above Scriptures, and I pray each day that our Lord and Savior may grant me the wisdom to see, embrace, and give thanks for all the blessings that I have – today.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for all the blessings that you have so richly blessed me with. Forgive me for the times that I have ignored Your blessings of today in foolish pursuit of a self-perceived, self-focused blessing in the future. I confess that I have not honored You by not following Your teachings but instead have sadly tried to have You follow my plans. As the perpetual prodigal son, I am grateful that I can claim the promise of Your Word that every new morning brings fresh compassion from the LORD. Today, pour out Your Holy Spirit and create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right and steadfast spirit within me. Amen and Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and a Certified Lay Speaker with the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He is a Board Member for Gulf South Men, an Action Team member for The Kingdom Group, and a Board Member for the Lagniappe Country Walk to Emmaus. Todd is a Past President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and remains active in this and many other local, regional, and international ministries. Todd is the proud father of Emma and Kyle and resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Additionally, he’s the author of the inspiring book “Fathering A Special Needs Child.” Todd also enjoys filling the pulpit for pastors to share the Good News of our Lord and Savior.

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Who Is A Righteous Man?

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye me be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:15 KJV).

During the Great Awakening of the 18th century, John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, believed that justifying grace is only the door to salvation, and sanctification is the house. The key to the spiritual revival in England and America, in his opinion, was for small groups of same gender people to come together in bands, and the meetings were known as band meetings. The meetings were structured to allow for mutual accountability, where spiritual friends confessed sin without fear of condemnation. The goal was not to offer judgement but rather to offer a time and place to pursue holiness together. Members were given tickets after each meeting, which were necessary to attend church on Sunday. The participants were regularly asked five questions of one another:

5 Questions to Ask During a Band Meeting
1. How is it with your soul?

2. What are your struggles and successes?

3. How might the Spirit and Scriptures be speaking in your life?

4. Do you have any sin that you want to confess?

5. Are there any secrets or hidden things that you would like to share?

Confession was/is a key component of the band meeting. James 5:16 links the power of confession to the strength of prayer. A person that has confessed sin as an outward manifestation of an inner faith, is righteous in the Eyes of our Lord. If we believe in God, then we certainty have faith in Him. Genesis 15:1-6 describes how God viewed Abram, later to be known as Father Abraham, due to Abram’s belief in Him.

“After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: ’Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.’ But Abram said, ‘Sovereign Lord, what can You give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?’ And Abram said, ‘You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.’ Then the word of the Lord came to him: ‘This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.’ He took him outside and said, ‘Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.’ Then He said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ Abram believed the Lord, and He credited it to him as righteousness” (emphasis added).

The Apostle Paul was directed by the Spirit to mention the connections between Abram/Abraham’s faith and righteousness in his letter to the church in Galatia. “So also Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness (Galatians 3:6, emphasis added).” The true children of Father Abraham, then, are those who put their faith in God.

Our faith, not your actions, will determine our righteousness. Our actions are a natural manifestation of your faith. Hebrews 11, called the “Hall of Faith” or “Faith Hall of fame,” is a list of men and women who immense faith in God was manifested in tremendous action for the Kingdom. These were deeply flawed people (cheaters, murders, prostitutes, etc.) but they had faith in God and that faith was the basis for their actions that helped advance God’s Kingdom in earth. Also, their faith was the basis for their righteousness.

I pray that you join me to step out in faith, confess our sins, and use our righteousness to draw ourselves closer to Jesus and to point others toward Him. To God be the glory!

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the blessing of righteousness that is available to use through our faith in You. Help us to claim the promise of James 5:16 to use our righteousness to pray for ourselves and our family, neighbors, friends, enemies, those marginalized in society, those imprisoned by physical or mental walls, pastors, our political leaders, and all in need of Your favor of provision, protection, and pardon. Lord, hear our prayer. Amen and amen.

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Gentleness is Strength

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).

I am blessed to have so many good friends. I enjoy talking with them and spending time with them, but I probably learn the most by watching them. I have seen many of them go through rough patches, but through it all they remain calm. Some people foolishly interpret their gentleness as weakness. These men are gentlemen. They are gentle, men, and very strong. There is no truer form of strength than gentleness.

A common theme throughout Scripture is the need to surround yourself with good people. This is important because we tend to pick up habits and attitudes from those that we are with. Just as “iron sharpens iron” so can dirt dull iron. The Apostle Paul warns us of such “dirt” in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (emphasis added), “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”

When we are with argumentative and rude people, there is a good chance that we will take on those characteristics. For instance, if somebody gets angry with you, you get angry back. If somebody is really miserable and you hang around that person long enough, you get miserable too.

The Bible offers a different way to respond: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). A sign of true strength is when another person raises their voice is to lower yours. When you do that, you’re demonstrating strength under control.

Another word for strength under control is gentleness. Gentleness defuses conflict. It de-escalates anger. A gentle person does not overreact and is not driven by their emotions. A gentle person is showing one of the precious and beautiful Fruits of the Spirit.

The Greek word in the Bible for “gentleness” is the word prautes. Some older English translations of the Bible translate prautes as “meek.” The word “meek” isn’t used much anymore because meek has become a synonym for weak. But gentleness—or prautes—is anything but weak.

In fact, the word prautes was used to refer to a wild stallion that had been tamed. Think about that image. A wild stallion has tremendous brute strength but can be dangerous and unpredictable. But if you tame that stallion, it’s still just as strong, but the strength is brought under control. The strength is bottled up for the master’s use.

When you learn true gentleness, you don’t become weak. You just bring your strength under God’s control and use it for His purposes.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the teaching of Proverbs 15:1. Help us to tap into the strength of your Spirit to respond to rudeness with kindness. Amen.

Meet the Author

Todd Shupe is a Men’s Ministry Specialist through the General Commission of United Methodist Men and is in training to be a Certified Lay Minister through the Louisiana Conference of the United Methodist Church. He currently serves as the President of the Baton Rouge District of United Methodist Men and is a Board Member for Gulf South Men and serves on the Action Team for The Kingdom Group. He is a volunteer for the Walk to Emmaus, Grace Camp, and Iron Sharpens Iron. Todd resides in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Use Advent to Guide Yourself And Your Family Toward Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times” (Micah 5:2 NIV).

I love Christmas and the Advent season. It is a special time of year for families and the church. The Advent season allows us to prepare our hearts for the birth of the Christ child. I also love all the traditions that come with Christmas – decorating the tree with ornaments that have been passed down from generations, giving and receiving presents, candlelight service at church on Christmas eve, the smell of gingerbread or pecan pies baking in the oven, a fresh pine tree in the house, and the excitement of Christmas day.

One of the traditions of Christmas that we typically gloss over is the advent wreath. Each week we light a new candle, and the symbolism of each is important to help understand Christmas and the Advent season. The Catholic church adopted this tradition during the Middle Ages as a way to prepare the hearts and minds for Christmas. The word advent itself comes from the Latin word “adventus” meaning “arrival.” We prepare for the arrival of Christ. The wreath itself represents eternity and everlasting life, a circle that never ends (John 3:16).

The week one candle is purple and is known as The Prophet’s Candle and symbolizes hope. The week two candle is purple and is known as The Bethlehem Candle and symbolizes peace. The week three candle is pink or rose-colored and is known as The Shepherd’s Candle and represents joy. The week four candle is purple and is known as The Angle’s Candle and represents love. The week five candle is white and is known as “Christ’s Candle” and represents the Advent Child, Jesus.

I have visited with men all over this world and found very few to have an abundance of the four characteristics of Advent. Those that typically have these attributes in abundance are those that society would consider “poor,” but Jesus would likely refer to them as “the least of my brothers and sisters” (Matthew 25:40).

How can people living in poverty have the four components of Advent with no pension, no HMO or PPO health care, no private school for their children, no bass boat, no four-wheel drive truck, no chance of ever visiting Bass Pro or Cabela’s, no XM radio, no season tickets for the local sports team, no Polo cologne, and no ostrich boots or big belt buckles? As a younger man, I would not have a clue how to begin to answer this question. Now, as an older man I have the benefit of traveling the world, talking to men, and most importantly talking and listening to God through His Word. I still do not claim to have any answers for anybody or any topic, but I do know the One that does ,,,,,, and so do “The least of my brothers and sisters.”

They have hope because they live the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (emphasis added).”

They have peace because they know that they abide in God and He in them (John 15:4, emphasis added).

They have joy because they understand Psalm 16:11. “You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right Hand are pleasures forevermore (emphasis added).”

Last but not least, they have love because they know Jesus as their Lord and Savior and believe that God is love (1 John 4:8, emphasis added).

All of these things are possible because they have the fifth candle in their heart, Jesus. Jesus said in Luke 18:27, “What is impossible for man is possible with God.”

It is really as simple as that. Hope, peace, joy, and love will not be found in any material possession. They are nice, make us temporarily happy, and might impress our neighbors but do little to advance our pursuit of Christ. The four attributes of Advent, and even more, will be given to us but only by surrendering all to Jesus and acknowledging Him as Lord and Savior. If you are interested in the “more” part, please read Galatians 5:22-23 and imagine how you, your family, your church, and your community could be transformed by a life lived blessed by the Fruits of the Spirit. Talk to your pastor, pray to God, find a small group of like-minded men, look for resources from groups/authors such as Promise Keepers, Man In The Mirror, Patrick Morley, Max Lucado, Gary Chapman, etc. and search for a copy of the book Lead Like Jesus.

Many readers may recall how Simon Peter and his brother Andrew were fishermen but yet they left their nets behind when called to follow Jesus. Similarly, in Luke 18 Jesus was asked by a rich ruler what he must do to inherit eternal life. He had already honored the commandments his entire life. Jesus said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Scripture tells us that the man went away sad because he was wealthy. Afterwards, Jesus turned to His disciples and said, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” This connection between earthly wealth and heavenly reward is also addressed in Luke 16:13 and Matthew 6:24. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 16:13, Matthew 6:24). “The least of my brothers and sisters” do not have to make the decision between serving God and money, but each of us, regardless of wealth, must answer the same question that Jesus posed to His disciples in Luke 9:20, “Who do you say I am?” Our answer to this question has eternal implications.

I do not think that Jesus is calling us today to sell everything we have to follow Him, nor do I think He would disapprove of our material possessions. However, I do feel that Jesus wants us to worship Him first, not our material possessions. One of the ways we worship Him is in how we treat “The least of my brothers and sisters.”

For Christmas this year, I want to receive hope, peace, love, and joy for the new year. I do not want to receive it transactionally as the world gives, but supernaturally as our Lord gives. I want a hope, peace, love, and joy that transcends all understanding, and I want that for you too. I want more of Jesus in me and less of me in me. If you seek the same for yourself, I invite you to join me in the prayer below.

Prayer: Merciful God, We confess that we have failed to an obedient church. We have failed to follow your commands and to hear the call of the least of our brothers and sisters. We have stored up our treasure on earth with little to no regard for our treasure in heaven. We have lost our hope, peace, love, and joy because we have strayed from You. Forgive us of our sins and restore in us a new heart in this season of Advent that yearns to only be satisfied by words and actions that bring glory and honor to You. Amen!

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Use Conflict To Build Respect

“A good reputation and respect are worth much more than silver and gold” (Proverbs 22:1 CEV).

We all have a desire to be respected by others. There are two schools of thought on respect. Some say that in any relationship, including parent-child or employer-employee, you have to give respect to get respect. These people feel that are entitled to withhold respect from their parents or boss until the other person first shows them a sufficient amount of respect. This group will point to Romans 13:7. “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.” This verse is not teaching us to withhold respect to others but rather is commanding us to give respect to those that are in governmental authority. The reason is found in Romans 13:1. “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”

Others say that respect is absolutely required in certain situations. For example, as a father you love your child. They hopefully will love you also, but they certainly must respect you. I have had some young people tell me that they cannot respect their father because he is not a respectable person. My thought is that children do not have to love their father, although that would be ideal, but they must always respect both parents not because of their poor behavior but because they are your parents. Period. You probably have encountered some authority people in your life (e.g., political leaders, law enforcement, boss) that you do not like but you hopefully realized that you must respect their authority.

Malachi 1:6 reads, “A son honors his father, and a servant his master.” There are numerous Bible verses that command a child to honor their father and mother and there is a promise of a long life for doing so (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16). The command to honor the parents is never predicated on if the parents are good, fun, honorable, respectable, etc., but rather is because the parents are the parents. I think we should show respect to our elders, parents, those in authority, and bosses regardless of if we feel they “deserve” our respect.

We all seek respect and desire a good reputation. Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good reputation and respect are worth much more than silver and gold.” Sadly, you will likely encounter people that are envious of your good reputation and will act out of jealousy to try to harm your reputation. Those that know your true character will realize that this attack says little about your character but rather speaks volumes about the character of the other person.

In most secular relationships, respect must be earned. Any type of conflict presents an opportunity for us to gain or lose respect. People tend to “tune in” when they realize that you are in some sort of conflict. They will watch you carefully to see how you handle the conflict, and then you will gain or lose respect in their eyes.

The book of Nehemiah is a great example of someone who earned the respect of others by the way he handled conflict. Nehemiah was governor of Persian Judea under Artaxerxes. He responded to God’s call and left this position to lead the effort to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls in an astonishing 52-day period. He had to address a difficult situation in which wealthy Jews were profiteering off the plight of their working countrymen. Nehemiah addressed the profiteering issue in such a way to build respect. Below are a few key actions that he took that are beneficial for us today.

Nehemiah paused to think before he spoke

He listened to the complaints and charges the Israelites had against those who exploited them during a famine. Before he responded, he “pondered them in [his] mind” (Nehemiah 5:7). He thought before he spoke. How many times today do we all do the opposite? We all need to be

“quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20).

Nehemiah privately resolved the conflict

When Nehemiah realized the injustice that was happening, he did not start a slander campaign or publicly attack the offenders or start a whisper campaign to “plant seeds of doubt”. He first tried to build a bridge with the offenders who were taking advantage of the poor to increase their own net worth. He “called together a large meeting to deal with them” (Nehemiah 5:7). He addressed them face to face. That builds respect.

This is also the way Jesus commanded His followers to handle conflict. Jesus said in Matthew 18:15, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” Going public should be the last resort. Many of the most successful coaches in sports today will publicly praise their athletes and privately correct them. That shows character and builds respect.

Nehemiah appealed to their sense of honor

Nehemiah said to the rich Jews, “What you are doing is not right! Should you not walk in the fear of our God . . . ? . . . but now let us stop this business of charging interest. You must restore their fields, vineyards, olive groves, and homes” (Nehemiah 5:9-11). They obeyed him because he had their respect and appealed to their sense of honor.

A good leader brings out the best in people and is therefore respected. A poor leader will lead by fear or prejudice but will never gain respect. People can sense your true goals and “If your goals are good, you will be respected” (Proverbs 11:27).

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the story of Nehemiah. Help us to use his example to gain respect and use our influence to do good and honor You. Amen.

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Attention Men: Overcoming Insecurity and Jealousy in Leadership

A confident leader addressing their team, symbolizing overcoming insecurity and jealousy in leadership.

Attention Men: Insecurity and Jealousy Lead to Problems!

Understanding the Impact of Insecurity in Leadership

“Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with him but had left Saul. So Saul made David go away from him, and had him lead a thousand men. And David went out to the people. David did well in all that he did, because the Lord was with him. When Saul saw how well he did, he was afraid of him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, for he went out and came in before them (1 Samuel 18:12-16).

Insecurity and jealousy have been around since the beginning of time, as seen in the story of Cain killing Abel in Genesis 4 and Joseph’s brothers selling him in Genesis 37. Overcoming insecurity and jealousy in leadership is crucial, as these destructive emotions also appear later in the Bible with Saul and David in 1 Samuel.

Saul was the first king of Israel (c. 1021–1000 BC) and was chosen king both by the judge Samuel and by public acclamation. His primary purpose was to defend Israel against its many enemies, especially the Philistines. David was a solider under Saul and initially become a favorite of Saul. However, under the paranoia that David was seeking to usurp the throne, Saul attempted to kill David, forcing the latter to go into hiding for several years.

Saul becomes jealous of David because David slayed “the Philistine,” that is Goliath and the women praise David with the words, “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7). Saul’s decline is marked by the frequent visitation of an “evil spirit from God.” In his depression, he twice throws his spear at David (1 Samuel 18:10-11), and even makes David a field officer in the hopes of killing him. Nevertheless, all Saul’s plans crash to the ground as David’s success mounts: “for the LORD was with him.”

The Cycle of Insecurity and Jealousy

Insecurity always leads to jealousy which ruins relationships and hinders leaderships. An insecure person views the world through an insecure lens, which informs every decision they make.

Saul was a classic insecure leader. He was infuriated that the women praised David received more attention than him after David killed Goliath. Instead of being happy that David was successful in battle, Saul chose to spend of the rest of his years tracking down (in David’s words) “a flea.” His jealousy clouded his judgement, hurt his relationships, and separated him from God. I am sure that Saul thought he was doing the right thing. Perhaps he was living out Proverbs 14:12. “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” This story from Saul and David is not intended to be an interesting history story. This is Holy Scripture and as such it is “God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (emphasis added). So, what is God teaching us with this story?

Lessons on Envy and Leadership

I think the lesson here is that envy is indeed a deadly sin. Interestingly, David later wrote in Psalms 37:8, “refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.” (emphasis added).

If you are insecure as a person, you how two options. Conquer it, or it will conquer you.

Below are some ideas that I ask you to prayerfully consider if you are an insecure person.

Identify A Father

Saul did not have a spiritual father. Samuel, a priest and Israel’s last judge and first prophet, served in that capacity for a while, but Saul’s actions eventually destroyed that relationship. We all need a spiritual father to affirm us and correct us. In the absence of a father, men tend to look to themselves for self-affirmation. As a boy and young man, when I had a great accomplishment, I wanted to first tell my father to hear him say, “Good job!” Of course, I wanted to tell my mother too! I still seek that affirmation, and correction, from my mother and my elder Christian brothers. If the spiritual father is absent in the life of a man, he will enter an endless loop of trying to prove himself to himself. The result is failure and insecurity.

Support Others

A jealous and insure person is constantly monitoring the accomplishments of others. If a “competitor” is mentioned in conversation, they will dismiss and downplay their achievement. A true leader empowers, encourages, and supports others. A great leader will go out of their way to publicly praise others but privately corrects them.

You may recall that Jesus told us that we would do even greater things than Him. Would an insecure person have made such a statement?

Where Do You Store Your Treasure?

An insecure person is always trying to outdo everybody else for money, status, and recognition. The root cause is valuing the opinion of man more than the rewards of God. This life is only temporary, but upon our death, we will live forever. Our reward comes in heaven. Your income and status will mean nothing in heaven. If we only sought to enrich ourselves on earth, I think Jesus will say, “I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.” (Matthew 25:45).

Jesus values our heart more than our money. The Word teaches us, “But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal” (Matthew 6:20).” The next verse gives the reason for this instruction. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). The approval of man is fickle, but the approval of God has eternal implications.

The bottom line is you CAN and MUST conquer insecurity or it WILL conquer you. David was an imperfect man, like all of us, but Scripture tells us twice that he was a man “after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22). The right next step is to surround yourself with men like David, not Saul and seek affirmation from God, store up your treasure in heaven, and publicly praise others every chance you get.

Prayer: Dear God, Forgive us for the times our insecurity leads to acts of jealousness. Give us a new heart and a new spirit that seeks to honor and glorify You in all that we say and do. Amen.

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Do You Know A Proverbs 31 Woman? I Do!

“When you give to the poor, it is like lending to the LORD, and the LORD will pay you back” (Proverbs 19:17 GNT).

Scripture is full of stories of women that have played essential roles in advancing the work of our Lord. These prominent women include the Matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah, Miriam the prophetess, Deborah the judge, Huldah the prophetess, Rahab, Esther, and many more. Many of these women are recognized in the Faith Hall of Fame found in Hebrews 11.

Proverbs 31 describes the many virtues of Godly woman. The Proverbs 31 woman can be commended for all the wonderful things she does, what is most important is that she loves the Lord. She lives her entire life to honor and serve Him. This and this alone is what makes her a virtuous woman.

I recently enjoyed coffee with my good friend Mark. As we discussed how God has blessed us, I told him that he was particularly blessed because his wife is a Proverbs 31 woman. Her love for the Lord is evident in all that she says and does. If you spend five minutes with her, she will tell you what God has done for her today. As I speak with her, my mind is often drawn to Luke 6:45 “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Her heart is full of a love for God. She lives a Spirit-led life, and the Fruits are manifested in her love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

My Sunday school class has been watching a series of videos entitled Pearls by Kristi McLelland. In a recent episode, Rev. McLelland emphasized the need to “zachar” as a means of moving forward. The word “zachar” is a Hebrew word that means to remember. The Jewish people would often take time to look back and remember God’s faithful presence in their lives and that would help them to move forward through difficult times in the present. The Psalmist was remembering God’s past faithfulness when he wrote, “My soul is downcast within me; therefore, I will remember You (Psalm 42:6).

As I speak with my friend’s wife, I often hear the zachar in her words. If a storm is coming, she will talk about how God rebuilt her house after the flood of 2016. If her car needs a major engine work, she will mention that the car itself was a gift from one of God’s angels. None of her present problems are impossible because she remembers her past victories, which she quickly and wisely attributes to God.

Her life is dedicated to loving God and her neighbor (e.g., everybody). She is not rich by secular standards, but she is rich beyond measure because of her continual efforts to store up her treasure in heaven. In fact, Scripture says that a Proverbs 31 wife of noble character is “worth far more than rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).

There are few things in this fallen world of which I have confidence. However, I am confident that when this kind lady is Healed and meets the Father, she will pass on the right Hand of God with the other sheep. How do I know this? Because she is actively serving the least, the lost, and the hurt. God commands us in Matthew 25:34-36 to show compassion, kindness, and hospitality to all, particularly those on the fringes of society. The Word says, “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me’” (Matthew 25:34-36). This is her calling in life. It is real and powerful.

We all know that there is a gap between asking God for something and receiving it. This is the inevitable period of waiting. During this period, I have seen this Proverbs 31 woman living out Proverbs 3:5, which teaches, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Initially I was not sure how this woman was so successful in her prayers. Then I finally realized that she is also living out the instruction of the Psalmist. “Delight yourself in the ways of the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).” Her prayers are answered because she wants the same thing for her life and her family that God wants for her and her family.

Do you know a Proverbs 31 woman? I am blessed that I do. Her name is Vickie Lubbock, and there is no stronger solider in God’s army than this Proverbs 31 woman.

I can’t think of a better conclusion than the last three verses from Proverbs 31.

“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate” (Proverbs 31:29-31)

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for all the Proverbs 31 women of the past, present, and future. Their life is a powerful witness to your enduring love and grace. Amen.

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You Have A Husband Now

… “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5 NIV).

Several years ago, I was talking with a female friend, let’s call her Sally, about marriage. Sally told me an interesting story about her first marriage. Sally got married many years ago to her first husband. Her father, let’s call him Dick, did not like her husband because he was a “loser.” Sally was very close to Dick, and he was always her first phone call when she needed advice on anything.

A few weeks after she got married, Sally called her father for advice. Sally told me what sort of advice she was seeking from her father, but I forget the details. What is more important, to me, is the response she got from her father. Dick calmly and politely responded to her question, “Have you asked your husband about this?” She indicated to her father that she had not asked her husband about the situation. The father said, “Honey, you have a husband now so go ask him.”

Sally’s father was not a deeply religious man. He had been the main man in his daughter’s life for her entire life. Remember, he did not like her new husband. However, he wanted what is best for his daughter so he did everything he could do to support her and her marriage. Sally’s father had always loved her and would continue to love her. I think it was because of his love for Sally that he realized the best way he could support his daughter’s marriage was to let her know that “she has a husband now.”

Sally’s father had many reasons, some valid and some invalid, to not like her new husband. He had advised her before the wedding to not get married. However, he knew that a marriage bond is sacred so after the wedding he kept his thoughts regarding his son in law to himself and did his best to be kind and pleasant to his daughter’s new husband. Sally’s father wanted to give unsolicited advice to Sally and her husband regarding how things should be done in their house.

Again, Sally’s father was not a close follower of Jesus. However, he knew that he did not want another man to undermine his authority in his house, so he knew he had to respect the authority of his new son in law. Perhaps he had attended Sunday school as a young boy and remembered the Gospel lesson of a house divided cannot stand.

Perhaps Sally told me this story because she knew I had a young daughter, and she knew that I love my daughter with all my heart. I wonder if Sally was giving me a warning to prepare myself to take a step back if and when my daughter gets married. I want my daughter to have a husband. I know that any husband that she finds will be a sinner, and my initial reaction will to be find fault in him and try to maintain “control.” So, I have decided to control what I can control, what I should control. I will control my words. Also, I will control my prayers and begin praying now that God will send a husband for my daughter that will love, provide, protect, and lead her spiritually in far better ways that I ever could or did.

As men, many of have jobs in which we have some sort of control over people, budgets, or projects. At home, many men have control over their young children, and this may continue later in life for unmarried daughters. Men don’t like to be told what to do, but some fathers have no problem telling their married daughter and son in laws what to do because of a deep-rooted desire to maintain control of their daughter.

I completely understand this desire for control. I have a beautiful, intelligent, and kind daughter and will always view my daughter as a sweet and innocent child, and I would love to “control” her in an attempt to protect her. But, as much as I want to have control over her life, I realize that is futile because that is not in her best interest or mine. I want to be available to give advice, when asked and with respect to any future husband, but I want to raise my daughter in such a way that she will be able to make wise decisions without me because someday I won’t be here.

Matthew 19:5 teaches that “….a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” The same is true for a woman. She will also leave her father and mother and become one flesh with her husband. There is a leaving and cleaving that occurs during marriage. As we leave our parents, we still love them and regularly talk and visit with them, but they no longer have access to the inner workings of our lives, marriage, or our new family regardless if they demand access or feel entitled to private information. The marriage consists of three – husband, wife, and God.

It is understandable for a daughter to want to cling to her father after marriage. The love for any child for a parent is strong and should be respected. However, it is not respectful for a father to allow his daughter to cling to him once she is married or to continue to demand control over his daughter once she is married. Fathers can support their daughter and her marriage by keeping negative opinions and unsolicited advice to themselves. I hope I can do this if and when my daughter gets married. I know that the time to speak my peace is before the wedding, not after.

Ladies, remember, once you are married, you have a husband now. Fathers, remember, once your daughter is married, she has a husband now.

Prayer: Thank you for the Holy Covenant of marriage. Help us as husbands to love our wives as you so loved your church. Help us as fathers to best support our daughters by recognizing the sacredness of their marriage. Help us as brides to remember that once we are married, we have a husband now. Amen.

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Attention Men: Insecurity and Jealousy Lead to Problems!

Understanding the Impact of Insecurity in Leadership

The Cycle of Insecurity and Jealousy

Lessons on Envy and Leadership

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Do You Know A Proverbs 31 Woman? I Do!

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You Have A Husband Now

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